It was a version of love at first sight, or glance rather, as I stared at this man, yet saw myself. No wait, it was not love, it was a form of narcissism. The reflection of my own light and positive qualities made me look closer, for the first time, I was more myself than ever before, no longer at surface level, but peering into my depths. My vastness extending beyond my comprehension, I was drowning in myself. A strange co-dependency was taking form, I actually believed that I had to be with him to truly be me.
The euphoria of being with him became addictive, rational reasoning, and logical thought was overridden. A pull and magnetism to see him, and me, simultaneously. Yes, I was able to see that he was an amazing man himself. Time seemed to stand still when we were together, I even called him a wormhole once. Still delusional, I believed that this was a crush, and that I still had control. That all changed when he touched me, it was not intimate, but it literally stirred something asleep to awaken deep inside of me. It was obvious to me that I had a connection with him.
Things really got interesting once the deeper, darker side, or shadow side of myself was reflected back to me. I was seeing my brokenness, my wounds, and unable to simply ignore them. Knowing that now, I had to work on myself. I had to heal all the brokenness within me. This began to threaten our spending time together which made me feel lost, and confused, since I still believed that I needed to be around him to feel like myself. The dynamic between this man and I was changing course.
He was able to separate himself from me. I still craved to be near him. Now, I had to admit to him that I was aware that I had been acting crazy. I explained to him that I had lost myself years before. In fact, that I had just started coming out from deep inside of myself right before I met him. I thanked him for his help in bringing me back out of me. Two years before meeting this man, I cried out to God about my life. I prayed to God to deliver me from the life that I knew was no longer my own into the life that I knew he had for me. I told him to bring it, oh, and he did, years later.
I had given up on my faith that God was going to deliver me into the life that he had for me. Then I meet this man that lit me on fire, and brought me back to God. He restored my faith in God, in myself, in life, and humanity. Having this man in my life, has taught me what love, true unconditional love is. I had to learn to unconditionally love myself. I had to learn to give to myself before giving to others, or expecting from others what I did not even give to myself.
The euphoria of being with him became addictive, rational reasoning, and logical thought was overridden. A pull and magnetism to see him, and me, simultaneously. Yes, I was able to see that he was an amazing man himself. Time seemed to stand still when we were together, I even called him a wormhole once. Still delusional, I believed that this was a crush, and that I still had control. That all changed when he touched me, it was not intimate, but it literally stirred something asleep to awaken deep inside of me. It was obvious to me that I had a connection with him.
Things really got interesting once the deeper, darker side, or shadow side of myself was reflected back to me. I was seeing my brokenness, my wounds, and unable to simply ignore them. Knowing that now, I had to work on myself. I had to heal all the brokenness within me. This began to threaten our spending time together which made me feel lost, and confused, since I still believed that I needed to be around him to feel like myself. The dynamic between this man and I was changing course.
He was able to separate himself from me. I still craved to be near him. Now, I had to admit to him that I was aware that I had been acting crazy. I explained to him that I had lost myself years before. In fact, that I had just started coming out from deep inside of myself right before I met him. I thanked him for his help in bringing me back out of me. Two years before meeting this man, I cried out to God about my life. I prayed to God to deliver me from the life that I knew was no longer my own into the life that I knew he had for me. I told him to bring it, oh, and he did, years later.
I had given up on my faith that God was going to deliver me into the life that he had for me. Then I meet this man that lit me on fire, and brought me back to God. He restored my faith in God, in myself, in life, and humanity. Having this man in my life, has taught me what love, true unconditional love is. I had to learn to unconditionally love myself. I had to learn to give to myself before giving to others, or expecting from others what I did not even give to myself.
RSS Feed